Fighting the Urge
by KawaiiBabiGirlXpw08
Summary: Sakura is a teen girl fighting what lot of teen girls today are. CUTTING.SELF MUTILATION.SELF INFLICTED VIOLENCE, no matter how you say it, it is bad... and who comes to help... none other that Li Syaoran.S&S..R


Heyy me here again with another fic... Hope you enjoy.. Read & Review S&S...

By: KawaiiBabiGirlXpw08 Jenn:Haylee

-I do not own Card captor Sakura, Clamp owns CCS, I only own the plot of the story...

-Read and review-

"talking"  
'thinking' Scenery change  
Different Point Of View

Okay... well here it goes...

Sakura's pov

I sat on my bed crying as I reread the letter I had just received from my life long love... Yukito.

Sakura, I wish I could say that I was still in love with you...and that I still count down the hours until Sunday morning... so I can just wave to you... and say the three words I counted on to keep me alive...'I Love you'...I am sorry... but the same day I walked up to you... handed you a gift... hugged you and said Happy Birthday... that was the day I got over you... and finally accepted the fact that I was not really in love with you... When you get this letter, I will be long gone, and I will be on my way back to America

For the last time... Wo Ai Ni! (I Love You)  
I could not believe what had just happened. He left me. Without even being man enough to say it to my face.

'I will one day seek revenge' I thought to myself, 'one day...'

regular pov

As Sakura fell into a deep slumber, she dreamt about Yukito, and how he was before he left for the army. She missed how they used to be, holding hands, kissing in the rain. When she was with him, all was well, nothing was wrong... all her problems would just go away.

But now, she was just so alone, she was just Sakura. He was just Yukito. They were no more, and though it hurt Sakura to think of this, that was how it had to be, and she had to let go.

She soon awoke to silence in her house. No one was home, her father had gone to work, and Touya, her onii-chan (brother) had gone to see Melin, his current girlfriend. She walked into the bathroom, and got into the shower. There is began to cry once again, thinking about what happened earlier in the day.

She stood under the hot water, and the room soon got foggy. Sakura was not the kind of person to hurt another human, nor herself, but she could not help it. She felt like she was not even in her own body.

She turned off the shower, and wrapped her body and hair in towels. She stood in front of the mirror, and looked at her pale reflection, blood shot eyes, and just began to become even more hurt.

Sakura just blankly stared into her eyes, and took it all in. She became frustrated with herself, just looking into her mirror, and punched it with all her strength before becoming unconscious on the floor of the washroom.

Touya was the first to arrive home, when he walked through the door, he called for his sister, "KAIJUU!?" ("MONSTER!?) she did not answer, so he figured she was either sleeping, or she had gone to visit her best friend, Tomoyo.

He walked up the stairs to Sakura's room, and opened the door. No Sakura. So he knew she went to Tomoyo's. He had just got home from soccer, so he went to the washroom to take a shower, when he saw his sister on the floor, lying there still passed out.

He immediately called 9-1-1, and told them he had no clue what happened, all he knew is that he came home, and she was on the floor unconscious, and to send an ambulance as soon as possible.

Within minutes, it was there, and taking Sakura away.

Syaoran's POV

When Sakura got to the hospital, she went into a room, and there Dr. Syaoran Li evaluated her. She seemed fine. Nothing wrong with her heart, but because of her state, they could not yet find out if anything was wrong with her head, of thoughts.

I wrapped up her hand, and just stared into her face. She was so beautiful. Soft milky skin, beautiful full yet thin lips. Just perfectly proportioned. Within two hours, she woke up, and saw me still deeply looking into her eyes with fear.

She attempted to sit up, but got light headed in the process. She lied back down, and softly asked where she was at, and whom might I be. I explained to her that she was found by her onii-chan (brother). and that she would be alright, she would just need to explain to me what happened. and why she was on the floor, covered in blood.

She began to cry silently, and I held her in my arms. She wrapped herself around me, and gripped tight.

Her body was warm, but she was shaking. She told me what happened, and how she thought her life long love left her. I took pity for her, and told her, like any good person would that is was going to be okay.

Sakura's POV

I woke up in some weird place, and did not know where I was. I looked around, and saw a very handsome man staring back at me. I asked him who he was, and where I was.

He told me I was in the hospital, and he was a doctor. Li Syaoran. I was afraid at first, but then he asked me what had happened. I had forgotten all about Yukito, for those hours of not being in my body, but it all came back to me now.

I could not say what had happened. I needed someone to hold. To hug. So I grabbed the only person around, Dr. Li, and cried.

He was so loving, so caring. He did not seem to mind at all that I was hugging him, a complete stranger. It made me feel stupid, but at the same time, it made me feel better, and then was when I realized that it was time to let go of Yukito.

General POV

Sakura looked down at her hand, and saw what she had done. Not consciously, but she did it. She pulled away, and looked at Dr. Li, and thanked him. He nodded, and smiled.

He so badly wanted to hug her, kiss her, love her like she should have been loved, but he kept a professional attitude, and told her that if she needed anything... 'anything' to just call for him, and he would be there. And he left.

She was discharged two days later, with her hand in a cast, but on good terms. She was on her way out the door, and Touya had gone to the bathroom when Dr. Li walked up to her. He asked her if she was doing well, and had the normal conversation with her, and then shook her hand on the way out, but when he shook her hand, he gave her a paper.

555-0123 Ask for Li Syaoran.

Sakura was in shock. She wanted him to do this since the first time she saw him, and he had finally come around to it! She was ready to jump for joy, but then saw Touya walking towards her, so she kept in her excitement.

They sat in the car, and Sakura's mind went to Yukito within a matter of seconds. She put on a pair of sunglasses as if trying to hide her tears, but it didn't work. She wiped her eyes, and Touya looked toward her.

"It will be okay kaijuu (monster), he was just a baka (brat), and I told you that from the beginning... it I ever get my hands on him, he will be gomen (sorry)!" spoke her onii-chan (brother) comfortingly.

Sakura just nodded, and smiled weakly looking at her hand, all wrapped up. Even though she knew it hurt, she was numb to the fact. Her whole body hurt from Yukito. Her mind, heart, but not physically, mentally. Something had taken over her, and she was yet to realize what was really going to happen.  
She soon arrived home, and walked slowly up to her room. When she entered all she saw no matter where she looked was the face of Yukito, but looking at these pictures did not hurt her this time, or at least not yet.

She began taking down the pictures of him and her... and looking at some of them in her arms she remembered all the times they were together. She felt worse than she had ever felt in her life, it was like someone walked up to her and ripped her heart out of her body.

Tears began to form in her eyes, she wiped them away before they could fall though... she was not going to let this ruin her life. She didn't know what she was going to do. She contemplated the different ways of getting over him, but none seem worth trying. She put her hands in her pockets, and felt a small piece of paper. She grinned. She would call the doctor after all.

She fell into a deep slumber within about an hour, with pictures of Yukito scattered al across her bedroom. She slept for about an hour when a nightmare woke her up. She ran into her bathroom, and did what she knew.

Sakura's POV

I woke up because of a horrible nightmare. Me and Yukito, together again. It was not so horrible until I woke up, and realized that he wasn't there. I began to cry, and learned that nothing happened over night, and even in a year. I ran into my bathroom, and nipped my wrist. It was all I knew, watching the ruby red liquid run from my arm was a comforting feeling.

I thought that I had stopped... I thought I was strong enough. I haven't done this for so long... why did it haunt me? I did not understand, it was like every time something happened to me, it came back. It always came back.

I cried, cutting another part on my wrist. It was not worth it, and when Touya and Otou-san (father) got back, I would only end up back where obviously, I belonged... Ancora.

Looking down at the cuts I had made I wondered why this had happened. 'It was not so much that Yukito left me as it was all of the other horrible things in my life. I am a teenager, these are supposed to be the best times of my life, but still they are not. I haven't got a mother, and Otou-san (father) is never home. When Touya is home, he is usually bitching at me about something.

So I turned to cutting, and no, self mutilation is not a way to get rid on things, but the physical pain sure as hell makes me forget about the mental pain.' I thought to myself still marveling at the crimson tears falling.

Normal POV

Sakura soon after found herself in the ICU (intensive care unit) yet had no clue what so ever how she got there. She looked to her left, and saw the same face she found herself gazing at less than twenty-four hours ago. She then looked to her right, and saw Touya, with a worried look on his face.

She never thought he cared that much.

Sakura's POV

I never thought he cared that much. I felt so bad for hurting him, he looked so helpless. He just stared at the ground, and cried. I reached out and grabbed his hand. Touya jumped, and looked back at me, and before I could even say anything, he grabbed me, and hugged me and did not let go.

Syaoran's POV

As she sat there, hugging her brother, all I could think of is that being me. I really thought I would never see her here again, but less than twenty-four hours later, I was completely taken aback by how someone so beautiful, so intelligent could get herself into something like... like that. I truly believed that she had changed.

I told her brother that he would have to leave, I had to talk to Miss. Kinomoto alone. As I would any other patient, I asked her the usual questions. After answering, and being evaluated, I got some time to talk to her alone.

"Miss. Kinomoto, why do you do this to yourself?" I asked, worried about her.

Beginning to cry, she answered, "I do not really know, I just have so much anger, and pain... I do not have a mother, and I look at the bad side of everything!"

I hugged her, and there ended our conversation. She feel asleep, and she needed it.

Regular POV

Later that night, Touya left the hospital, her father never came to visit her, and Touya didn't come back. She was left alone. She stayed at the hospital for almost a week. When it came time for her to go home, and she got back her energy, she had no where to go. Syaoran and Sakura by that time got closer, and were getting along well. We decided she would come stay with me in my guest bedroom until she had another place to stay where she wouldn't be alone.

It was about 7:00 pm, and Syaoran (which Sakura became accustomed to calling him) was getting off of work in an hour. Sakura packed all of her things into the small suitcase, and sat on the edge of her bed. Syaoran came in at about 7:45 and smiled at her from the door. They had become quite fond of each other in the past week.

They left the hospital, and set off to Syaoran's house. Once there, he showed Sakura to her room, and there she put her things. She admired the place she would be staying for the next few months.

Syaoran soon appeared at her door, and walked in. She sat on the edge of her bed. "You okay?" he asked comfortingly, wrapping his arm around her shoulder, and pulling her in close.

"I guess I am, I mean, my family just left, they didn't come back for me... I don't understand why" she said now crying. She ran her fingers against her now healed wrists, and shivered.

She wanted so badly to be able to do it... and she knew from last time that things like this didn't happen over night. She looked up, and remembered something... only one thing that happened before she woke up in the hospital...

((Flashback)  
((I will not let her die, I can't said a small crying voice.)) ((End flash back))

It sounded so familiar, but she couldn't quite pin point who it was. She remembered looking up into beautiful brown eyes, and then slowly fading away. "Are you okay Sakura?" said Syaoran frantically. Sakura opened her eyes, she was lying on the floor.

"Wh-what happened, where am I? Why am I on the floor?" she said, confused and week. She tried to sit up, but failed in doing so, she couldn't have been thinking for more that a minute... how did she get here? She looked up at the clock, fifteen minutes had passed. Bewildered, she looked at Syaoran, and frowned.

"Are you okay, one minute you were fine, the next you fell to the floor... you just, blacked out. Are you feeling okay?" asked Syaoran, worried.

"I am fine, I just... wait, how did that happen, I am dizzy, and tired, and weak." she said in response, still a bit confused about what had just happened.

"Okay, I think you should eat, and then get yourself some rest, it is getting late anyway." Syaoran went into the kitchen, and fixed her some wonton's and coconut water. He sat her on the couch, and helped her eat. Then soon after, put her in her room to go to bed. He went to bed also, he had taken the rest of the week off to watch after Sakura.

He could not fall asleep, so he just lied there, thinking about how close the two had become in the days they had together. After what seemed to be forever, he heard the door creek, and felt someone get into his bed next to him. He knew it was Sakura, and she thought he was asleep.

"Are you alright?" he said softly.

Sakura shrieked in surprise. "Hai (yes), I am, I was just a little bit lonely in my room, I hope you don't..." but she was cut off.

"Of course I don't" he said comfortingly back to her. They both snuggled until they fell asleep, well Sakura fell asleep, Syaoran could not sleep. He was worried about Sakura, and her well being.


End file.
